I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Randomize
