drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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