You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
