New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
