her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
