Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize