So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
