I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
