I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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