Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
