cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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