i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
