i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
