Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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