Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
