pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
