Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
