So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
