I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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