I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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