i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
