i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
