he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize