yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you had me at cake vodka
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
