his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
