Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
