A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
porn star boner night. come get it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
