I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this boner is exhausting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
