Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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