i jhust puked up my retainher.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize