I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
