I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
