Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
