She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
