help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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