I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love accidental penises.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
