dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this boner is exhausting
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
