my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
