she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
