Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize