I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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