My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We got so high we made milksteak
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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