Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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