then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I still have a little drunk in my system
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
