hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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