she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
