Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
