i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
