Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
