My entire life is one complicated drinking game
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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