Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
