I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize