Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
