He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want to make out with him forever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
