Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
