If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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