you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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