last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
