i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
