did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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