I can't watch pbs sober anymore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Bring me that man meat
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
