TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
