All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we're so committed to being not committed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
