Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
