I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
