she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
