by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
