I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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