btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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