I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I AM VODKA MAN
The power of my boobs compel you
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
