My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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