Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize