38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize