This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I will pee on everything he values.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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