I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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