Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
