Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
