it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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