summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
