Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
