It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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