Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I will die if light touches me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
