Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
