I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I came so hard my ears popped.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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