just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
