so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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