I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so explain again why im purple
no
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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